Relationship - Rediff Gurus

Mohit Arora |37 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi

Hi , Iam 40 , and divorced , I Recently met a girl in my office , who is just a fresher and we have a gap of around 15 Years. Is it Ok to Continue relationship with this girl ? is the Age Gap Too Much to Handle. Should i withdraw from the relationship at the earlier stage itself rather than getting into it and later break up?

Ans: Age gap won't matter. It's about chemistry. Leonardo di Caprio Only dates women below 25. Is she into you? Does she like you?

(more)

Relationship

Mohit Arora |37 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

we have 3 yrs of relationship and in that frm 2 yrs we are in long distance we have great bondings ,no issue on that but the major issue taht we have no future becos he belongs to bhramin family his family is very strict not accept intercaste marriage and also they dont want him to move out of house . right now he is pursuing mbbs and i am pursuing computer science . i live in bangalore as u know its tech hub and best place for me for career but he will make future in gujarat he is telling me to come over there after marriage still we have lot time to think but he dont want to hang me in middle of the situation as he is not able to promise me that he will make it work 100% . He now every time telling me ki if u come to gujarat then only it will work and convince his family and some time he tells me that even if u come their might be my parents not fully accept u and tell u something rudely and all stuffs as i belong to general and may be u will regret for ur career also . what should i do should i compromise my career and do remote job or stay in some small company just for him or otherwise leave him? even i have great fear of not getting any soulmate after this becos as my experiences my elder sisters and brothers are still dint get their perfect partners its hard to get married to unknown i know i am overthinking at this stage but am confuse. i also dont have much frnd to talk about my prsnl problems .its been 2 yrs i have been through my personal loss and family problems also some times i am in pain getting sucidal thoughts its not for the relationships .Please help me with this .

Ans: Tel him to step up as a man and decide. You don't need a soul mate. The one you are seeking is yourself. Choose to be financially strong..

(more)

Relationship1

Mohit Arora |37 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Question by Betsy - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

Hello Ma'am, I am a introverted person. I talk very less that becoming a problem in pur relationship tht he is saying i am not opening up to him i am hiding things how can i change myself from an introverted to an extrovert person

Ans: It's possible through a series of steps and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone gradually..

1- start saying hi to everyone (you'll feel better after doing it)
2- start making small conversations
3 - don't filter too much. Say what comes to your mind.

There are many more things you can do however it requires personalized assessment and guidance.

Hope it helps .

(more)

Relationship2

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

We are both loving couples... But mywife always picks something and for a small quarrel that happened 3 years ago where both sides have reasons she is not coming to my home to see my parents especially mother in law and also forces me to not take my child.. my parents loves grand child and am stuck b/w them... She also making me not going to my home to see my parents.. my parents are ready to do anything she ask .. asking her forgiveness and come to home.. quarrel s were are all for just silly reasons .. what to do.. I ve lost patience and always things abt it

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need to have a chat with your wife and she needs to understand that every relationship is unique. Even if your wife isn't interested in making up with your parents, she needs to realize that your parents' relationship with you and their grandson is not dependent on her. This takes up a lot of maturity, but many families maintain equilibrium by following this way of co-existing. Not everybody needs to get along with everyone but whoever gets along have the freedom to do so with no guilt or remorse.
Sit down, talk and be firm about this and also make your parents understand that when their daughter-in-law wants to interact with them, she will...and at no point force any relationship on her.
The best way to repair relationships is to just let them be...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

? rediff.com Rediff Gurus Logo Hi Anwesha | Sign Out HealthHealth MoneyMoney RelationshipRelationship CareesCareer Ask your questions about health, money, relationship or careers here Ask Anonymously You posted: My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, this feeling ain't going away that soon as you are bordering on obsession possibly without reason.
Jealousy leading to insecurities and constantly monitoring him is only going to make it worse on you...so either you trust him or you don't...which is it going to be?
Has he given you any reason to doubt him OR is it only your fear and hate fueling it? If it's the ex coming along and bringing with it all the fears inside of you, then work at it before you make this really ugly and now it's in your hands.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion BUT how you deal with it is a choice you are going to have to make. So, start to reassure yourself by saying that it's all okay and good. Challenge your thoughts every time they crop up so that it doesn't grow large enough for you to start projecting. Talk to your boyfriend requesting him to be more patient with you if at all you snap at him for anything. But not for long as he will run out of patience.
If there is nothing going on between him and his ex, why is it taking you so much to trust him? More than a love, a relationship needs trust and understanding. Pour these into it and not only will you feel better, your boyfriend will also be more supportive of what you are going through. Trust or not; it's your choice!

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution?

Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that's bringing up a lot of emotions for you. It's completely natural to feel uncomfortable or insecure in a situation like this, especially when there are reminders of your partner's past relationship.

First and foremost, communication is key. Talk openly and honestly with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Let him know that you're struggling with these emotions and that you want to find a solution together. It's important for him to understand where you're coming from and to be supportive of your feelings.

Additionally, try to focus on building trust and strengthening your relationship with your boyfriend. Remind yourself of the reasons why you love him and the bond that you share. Trust that he's committed to you and that his past relationship is just that – in the past.

It's also worth considering setting boundaries with your boyfriend's sister-in-law, particularly when it comes to sharing information about your household or your relationship with his ex. Let her know that while you appreciate her relationship with your boyfriend and her niece, you would prefer to keep certain aspects of your personal life private.

Remember, it's okay to feel the way you do, but it's important to address these feelings constructively and work towards a resolution that allows you to feel comfortable and secure in your relationship.

(more)

Relationship2

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi

I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Question by Navin - Jan 25, 2024Hindi

I have married since 19 years, married ceremony is her elder sister's house. Wife is ignoring me again. She is not buying any new dresses but discuss with both sisters n her mother but problem is not that but why when i am not at home. She calls them in my absent, and does not share anything with me. When asked just quarrels with me n not talking to me normally, even talks very ruthly.

Ans: Dear Navin,
What exactly is your issue here? How do you want me to guide you?
I can only assume that you are unhappy that your wife does not share much with you. Maybe because she finds it safe and comforting sharing with her side of the family?
Have a frank chat without complaining but hearing her as to what bothers you...that might help you understand her better.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi

Hi, i am 34 yrs old married for the last 4 yrs. I married a man knowing he is alcoholic. I had told him that I am not someone who is very fond of sex and I am very scared to have sex as I feel it's painful for which he was okay thinking I would change after marriage. Both of us din want to have kids. It's been 4 yrs I have not had sex Nor has he ever forced me to. Tat way he respects me is what I believe, the reason initially I used to deny was he used to drink and come home , just few days after being wed he came drunk abused me physically and verbally. Things escalated during lockdown he is mentally, verbally abusive , emotionally not available. He has a problem with everyone around him, I have told him multiple times that we could go for counseling, he says okay at times and later abuses me for suggesting it. I have always been there for him, supported mentally , emotionally and financially. But I get nothing in return. I used to feel it's all coz of me not having sex but will having sex just solve all this? It's not like I have not gone to meet psychiatrists I have and they advised me few things and I have also told my husband that let's have sex but he tells some reason. Also, we do get physical make out and everything except for sex. He says when he is in a good mood that it's not about sex. He has had this abusive behaviour right from day one. Why is sex given so much importance ? much more than basic care and affection? M I at fault here? Please help me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put it all in one form...
1. You married a man who has a drinking problem
2. You feel sex is painful and believe that it is
3. You wonder if having sex can solve all your problems
4. You want to know if basic care and affection can override sex
Who is at fault must not be your question but rather ask what can be done here to rebuild the marriage?
Firstly, if you husband has a drinking issue, why has this not been treated? Instead the focus is on sex and no sex...
Sure, sex is a part of any marriage and it certainly can help couples bond together in a better way. But is it the only thing to save a marriage? NO!
But it's possible that sex may help your husband communicate better with you at an emotional level as well. You see, physical and emotional bonding go hand in hand. And wherever you got the idea that sex is painful needs to worked upon. Honestly, you are missing out on a beautiful element within marriage.
Kindly seek professional help for yourself on this, your husband for his drinking issue and it will help going for couples therapy. Do what needs to be done to put your marriage back together. Long journey, if you feel this can actually help and that you want that help...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Shalini Singh |61 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Question by Wonder - Apr 25, 2024Hindi

How can you make your relationship a memorable one?

Ans: its a very generic question, please be specific what are trying to ask. On another note have a healthy relationship with your partner, let them be the person they are, avoid changing them. Let them know what about them upsets you but dont nag or play blame game , laugh a lot, keep the child in you always. There will be disagreements galore, avoid screaming or crying when you deal with such situations....vent off the steam and get back to being normal vs holding on to it....live life honestly and truly live it as we live just once.

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

My son is 13, diagnosed with anxiety spectrum at age 8.His medications have reduced , takes fluvoximine 50 at night, but has social media addiction,what should i do?

Ans: Managing a child's social media addiction, especially when they have underlying mental health concerns like anxiety, can be challenging but crucial for their well-being. Start by having an open and non-judgmental conversation with your son about his social media use. Express your concerns about how excessive screen time can impact his mental health and overall well-being.Establish clear rules and boundaries around screen time and social media use. This could include limiting the amount of time he spends on social media each day or setting specific times when he's allowed to use it.
Lead by Example: Model healthy screen time habits yourself. Show your son that you prioritize face-to-face interactions, hobbies, and other activities over excessive screen time.Encourage your son to engage in offline activities that he enjoys and that promote social interaction, physical activity, and creativity. This could include sports, hobbies, art, or spending time with friends and family.Keep an eye on your son's social media use and monitor the content he's consuming. Consider using parental control apps or settings to limit access to certain apps or websites.If your son's social media addiction is significantly impacting his mental health or daily functioning, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in treating addiction and/or anxiety. They can provide individualized strategies and support for managing his social media use in a healthy way.
Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies: Help your son develop healthy coping strategies for managing his anxiety, such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or engaging in calming activities when he feels overwhelmed.
By taking proactive steps to address your son's social media addiction and providing support for his anxiety, you can help him develop healthier habits and improve his overall well-being. Remember to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and understanding, and seek professional support if needed.

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Question by T - Apr 18, 2024Hindi

Hi ! I am a 38 year old divorced woman. Its almost 10 years that I got divorced, from a man with whom I was married for 2 months. Since then, I never had a long relationship with anyone. For the past 1 month, I feel I have developed feelings for my cousin (sister) who is 10 years older to me. She too is divorced, long back. (2006). I understand she too has feelings for me. What should I do. Please suggest.

Ans: Navigating feelings for a family member can be complex, especially when considering societal norms and potential family dynamics. It's understandable to feel uncertain about how to proceed in such a situation.

First and foremost, it's important to consider the potential implications and consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with your cousin. While relationships between cousins are not legally prohibited in many places, they can sometimes face social stigma or disapproval from family members.

Before taking any further steps, it's crucial to have open and honest communication with your cousin about your feelings and concerns. Discussing your mutual feelings in a respectful and sensitive manner can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and help you navigate your feelings and the potential impact on your family dynamic. They can also offer strategies for communicating effectively and managing any challenges that may arise.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pursue a romantic relationship with your cousin is a deeply personal one that only you and your cousin can make. It's essential to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and consideration for the feelings and well-being of everyone involved.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that you deserve to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your relationships, and seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals can help you navigate this situation with clarity and confidence.

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi

I got married three months ago, during courtship period my ex was in my office but then my marriage wasn't fixed properly ,when it got yeses from both the side I changed my office,but I couldn't tell this to my husband and also I lied about my virginity,he was also not virgin and after marriage I confessed all this ,now he is not forgiving me for my dishonesty and not letting me come home also he abuse me verbally ,slapped me..I also feel like cheated for not letting me know this side of him before marriage..How should I go ahead?

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your new marriage. It's concerning to hear that you're experiencing verbal abuse and physical violence from your husband. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

First and foremost, if you are in immediate danger or feel unsafe, please reach out to local authorities or a trusted friend or family member for support. Your safety is paramount.

In terms of next steps, it's essential to seek support and assistance from professionals who can help you navigate this situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and domestic violence. They can provide you with guidance, support, and resources to help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

Additionally, you may want to consider reaching out to organizations or hotlines that specialize in supporting individuals experiencing domestic violence. They can offer confidential support, safety planning, and resources to help you leave the abusive situation and rebuild your life.

It's also crucial to recognize that you are not responsible for your husband's abusive behavior, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage. If your husband is unwilling to seek help or change his behavior, it may be necessary to consider your options for leaving the relationship to ensure your safety and well-being.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, but you don't have to face it alone. There are people and resources available to support you every step of the way. Please prioritize your safety and take steps to protect yourself from further harm. You deserve to live a life free from abuse and violence.

(more)

Relationship1

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi

I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a lot and are trying to navigate a difficult situation for both yourself and your son.

Regarding your ex-husband's behavior, it's possible that he may be trying to manipulate your son, especially if he is blaming you and your parents for the divorce. Children can be susceptible to manipulation, especially when they're caught in the middle of a divorce. It's important to maintain open communication with your son and reassure him that the divorce was not his fault and that both you and your ex-husband still love him.

As for your son's reluctance to see you move on, it's not uncommon for children of divorce to struggle with the idea of one or both parents moving on and forming new relationships. Your son may fear losing the close relationship he has with you or worry about how a new relationship might change his life. It's essential to validate his feelings and reassure him that your love for him will not change, regardless of any new relationships you may have.

It might also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor who can work with both you and your son to navigate these emotions and provide support during this challenging time. Additionally, continuing to foster a strong, positive relationship with your son and maintaining open communication will be crucial as you both move forward.

Ultimately, while it's important to consider your son's feelings, it's also essential for you to take care of yourself and pursue your own happiness. Balancing your needs with those of your son can be challenging, but with time, patience, and support, you can find a way forward that works for both of you.

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2024Hindi

My husbands 25 year old niece is too obsessed with him. She shares everything and discusses every bit of her work with him. They go to gym together, classes together. She is married and stays with us with her husband. Most of the time she is around and just does not give space. For eg. she keeps on asking questions to my husband or has some or the other topic to discuss. My husband is also very attentive to her every need. I don’t find this right. And it upsets me to next level. Is my feeling right? Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why are you having grown-ups who can earn and fend for themselves in your home?
You want space, then make space by politely asking them to move out. Even they need to learn to live with one another whereby the niece can rely on her husband rather than on your husband. Obviously it also suggests that your husband is either being ignorant of her fancy for him OR he's enjoying all the attention. Whatever the case, it will be healthy for both the couples here to maintain a healthy distance so discuss this with your husband and tell him how uncomfortable you feel with her around you all the time. He may call your doubt as foolish, but stay firm and request him that together you both convey to them to find a space and move out. You may even offer to search for accommodation for them so that they don't feel that they are being rudely thrown out.
But, be firm with this...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2024Hindi

Namasthe Dr. I am 72. My menopause passed off very coolly without any hickups. Myself and my husband who is six years elder to me in age have been having regular sex once a week and we both enjoy the act. Is that normal or should we refrain from the act? I get arousal normally. Kindly suggest as I sometimes get a doubt whether sex at this age may not be good.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Congratulations! Most couples wean off from sex citing old age and other health issues due to ageing...
The act of sex/lovemaking increases heart rate, blood pressure and respiratory cycles and that is the only thing that you need to be watchful of especially if you are under medications for any lifestyle ailments. This doubt can be cleared with your doctor who can advise you accordingly; other than this sex is the most beautiful sport to indulge in at any age and also it keeps a couple together emotionally as well. So, enjoy...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship1

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Question by Shruti - Apr 18, 2024Hindi

Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab Usne mujhe har jgh se block kar diya gha ek bar par mere manane par aya hai but ab na mere number save kar rha na Instagram par follow kar rha kuch nhi maine jab bola to bolta hai bat ho rhi na bs

Ans: Dear Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I got divorced 6 years back. I have a son who stays with his mom though I meet him frequently and looking after his educational expenses. I am doing very well in my career, I started my own company a couple of years back and its doing great. Everyone around me tells me to remarry but I just dont want to go through the pain again. I am happy single and would want to stay single. I do not want a companion who would be a parasite like my ex wife, but I am apprehensive about getting old alone. What do I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Once bitten, twice shy!
It happens and someday hopefully you move out of this 'hurt' phase into a 'trust' phase and when you cover that journey (it takes time and a lot of resolve to be able to want to trust again), you will be ready to get into another relationship.
So, decide for yourself when you want to make that journey and as you start, you will encounter insecurities and doubts...stick with it and it will all pass helping you reach a place of calm peace which will enable you to invite another person into your life.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

Hi I am (now 39) married 7 years ago,my wife (now 27), Son and Mother in law (Widow, 47) just joined me a month ago where i am working otherwise they used to stay in native, i visit during holidays and weekends. Today i faced a situation my mother in law expect physical Relationship with her. I am suddenly came out of the without saying anything. How to get out of this.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly send your mother-in-law back to her native place or let her move out and stay separately in the same city.
You don't want trouble in your married life, do you? You don't want your wife getting shocked with all of this, do you?

All the best!

(more)

Relationship1

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by Prashant - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

Im like a girl she is my school friend not a very good friend just friend. Im starting days like her but I don't know that time she likes me or not. So some few years ago I'm back to talk to later and the 2021 last month we can talk much in phone like 3 or 4 hours easily without any specific topic. But I don't know still know she likes me or that are only my overthinking or my illusion....what should I do know stage.... please suggest me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is difficult to tell if a person likes you romantically or just as a friend. There are always 50-50 chances of both. In my opinion, you should subtly ask her the same. Why assume when you can get clarity on the same? Start by telling that you like her more than just a friend. She will have some reaction, and she will also respond to it a certain way depending on how she feels about you. If she sees you as just a friend, I am sure she will let you know. And if she likes you back romantically, she will reveal that too. But I suggest you don't assume and overthink.

Best Wishes.

(more)

Relationship

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

Hello sir When i was studying in school i liked one girl. we talked through a common friend. After some time we talked on phone and messages. Last day of my school day i proposed her and she didn't reply. After that she doesn't even reply to my calls and messages. I found it in the market today, 9 years later. She is married now, after seeing her I feel regretful and am not able to concentrate on my work. what should i do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. One-sided love can be harsh on your mind. We can't exactly blame her here. She never led you on or expressed any such feelings for you. Neither was she bound to reciprocate. But keeping that aside, you are allowed to feel sad. Allow yourself to feel it. Trust me, it's nostalgia. It will pass. It is normal to be distracted when you are feeling gloomy. Try diverting your attention to something else. Talk to your friends, go out for a movie, go for a weekend trip, pick up a hobby, hit the gym, go for a run; mostly, keep yourself busy. You will not feel like this forever. I assure you that.

Best Wishes.

(more)

Relationship

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by Rinkesh - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

meri gf muzse bhoat gussa or jidd par ad gai hai ki baat mahi karni hai

Ans: Dear Rinkesh,

I cannot offer you much advice without further context. Why is she mad at you? Were you at fault? Or did she just decide to stop talking to you? If so, why? Has she decided to move on? Every little detail matters. Now, what I can tell you is to be patient. If this is a simple fight, she will come around. Let things calm down and then try to make up with her. If this is more serious, for instance, she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, it's important to understand why and then act accordingly.

Best Wishes.

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi

Hi my age is 47 married my wife and daughter are living seperately and they are live at her mother place from beginning the problem is that my dad is money minded person he gets upset when money is spend for betterment and my mother wants to leave free life all of sudden she blames me and my father for bad life I literally had a argument with her on the basis that if I am going through some mental stress in work, personal life, family problems than with whom shall I share she says not to discuss anything with her the fact is I am in dilemma what to do I have minimum source of income,PL,CC bills and other responsibility I am in dilemma what to do I need a break which I am not able to do pls give me some solution to overcome all this issues.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The information shared with me is incomplete. Do you live in a joint family with your parents? How come your parents are involved when you spend money. At 47, do you not take charge of your finances? Is that why your wife blames your father due to his interference in your life?
At your age, your family and decisions for your family are yours and your wife's to make even if you live in a joint family. You and your wife must act like a unit to sort out every family challenge and draw clear boundaries with your parents and that will help your wife have space with you. This will also help the two of you to get closer and go through life's ups and downs together.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by Guru - Apr 21, 2024Hindi

After working in USA for 8!yrs,purchased villa,car there,greencard cleared 2nd stage,I came to India in 2008 to get married and go back to USA. I was working in trivandrum as a IT professional and company which had partnership with company in USA, gave me time to get married and afterwards had plans to send me to USA , transfer to my parent company and process my greencard for 3rd stage. Through a marriage broker from my native place davanagere, I was married to a woman from gulbarga.her health was not good from day one and her parents going thru divorce. Her father instead of giving divorce to her mother,locked her in a compound in gulbarga with dogs and did not allow her to go out of compound for years and she passed away in 2013.even though a daughter born to my wife,me, daughter has heart surgery in 2011 and doctors suggested a surgery for wife. After wife's mother passed away in 2013,her father kidnapped my daughter,wife and did not allow them to come back and also had a ex parte divorce filed from my wife. I have been receiving news that my daughter was attacked in gulbarga compound in 2020 and passed away.but it could not be confirmed. My 35+ visits to gulbarga did not yield a visitation to my daughter. My lawyers in Bangalore, gulbarga suggested me to find a new woman and get married since 2020. Even though while I worked in Honeywell since 2016, I found a good woman, relationship could not be pursued. However since 06/2018,I am free to pursue a woman and get into relationship/marriage. I am staying alone since 6+ yrs in Bangalore,I have no wife/girlfriend living with me. I also do not have any kids living with me. It will take some time to find a woman and get married (my father,uncle passed away in last 3 yrs and my mother is in late 70s and no one helping me to get married). 2 weeks back I was invited to attend a jewellery shop inauguration at Kadapa AP which was attended by Telugu actress Sreeleela. She also performed a dance which I am very impressed. I saw her several videos and daily watch her many songs.She is in the right age, very rich and if she gets into relationship with me,it will solve all my problems and I will also support her in her career ie acting plus doctors job and it will be a win-win scenario. I do not have her direct contact info nor there is a coordinator who will coordinate between us.pleqse advise further on how to proceed further

Ans: Dear Guru,
I am truly sorry to hear of the hardships that you have faced.
Instead of living in a dream world, why not instead focus on going the usual route of finding someone who is like-minded and shares the same value systems as you?
And what is this statement that if you marry this actress, all your problems will be solved? Does she want to solve your problems or do you think she is waiting to marry you and solve your problems? Please step out of this dream world, get real!

I suggest that you rebuild your life sensibly and eventually if the right person also is interested in you (if she's a celebrity, then Congratulations), then move on with life by chalking out the path realistically. The person you look for must also align with your life's goals and your values...focus on this...

And sorry if this is going to sound rude to you: This platform is not for people to request Gurus to find out numbers of celebrities or their managers BUT for people to reach out to Gurus who can guide them with their life's challenges.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by Bhawna - Apr 21, 2024Hindi

Dear team, I need help ... I am feeling anxiety and stress.. its not created by outside but inside my mind . I can't focus on studies n career and feeling like everything is finished n I can't do anything in life. . Seeing my happiness when my husband n child is with me . When he comes late n go outside home make me feeling anxious. What to do ?? Please help

Ans: Dear Bhawna,
It would have helped to know your age...anyway, anxiety and stress when your husband and child are not around suggests that you seek the company of people to keep you calm. Find your calm within you because it is not possible to have people around you all the time to feel at peace.
Distract yourself with a hobby and a good social circle. Slowly start to take time out for yourself to do something other than just managing home and your child. Drop Goals down for studies/career and chart a clear path to achieve them. When you have a sense of purpose/a goal that gets you excited, you will not have the time or the inclination to become anxious and instead will feel joy and excitement.
Identify what you can do different to feel different and happier.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi

Hi mam, I am 40 yrs old. I was divorced 10 yrs ago and since then I never married again. I have been changing my jobs very often and my mind is not Steady. I am not happy at my job and I feel it's my mindset as I frequently get angry, hyper and make rash decisions. I have zero savings and don't own any assets. But all my friends, relatives and colleagues are well settled and enjoying their life at this age.. this is depressing me and I don't know how to over come this ? In the past 3 years I have fallen in love with one of my far relative and both us love each other very truly. She understands me like no other and knows everything and aspect of my life. She is 15 yrs younger to me but she doesn't care about it and wishes to marry me. I feel actually lucky to be loved by her that much. The main problem is that we recently got to know that she becomes my daughter ( cousin brother's daughter ) if we see the family tree side relationship. Though she is not blood brother's daughter but she is some one in the relative side. Both of us discussed about this but both of us love each other so truly that we don't wish to let go each other and marry. Please suggest.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you writing to me to know how to handle the anger issues or whether you must marry this person you have mentioned about?
Anger and impulsiveness stems from the way you have conditioned yourself to handle situations. There is enough and more content on prominent websites that guide you through this whereby you teach yourself to calm down and act in a well-thought out manner.
On the topic of this lady who happens to be a distant relative, you do need to understand the impact this will have medically on children should you decide to have children later...if you have discussed all this in detail and you two know that the marriage can help you grow and evolve, well...you know what to do.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi

Dear Sir - This is a very peculiar situation I am in. The food cooked at my house is on a very large scale. A major portion of it goes into the garbage bin. Looking at it my mind goes for a toss but other members dont even feel ant-pinched. By others I mean my wife, and her both parents. This happens only when my mother-in-law visits my house. She immediately takes control of the kitchen and the cooks employed by us. She makes them cook large portions of meal which is almost twice the quantity for a small family like ours. She leaves very little room for feedback from any corner - wife, cook or myself. When my wife was away, I tried to give her a feedback to reduce the portions or cook in accordance with the mood to eat. She had completely taken the feedback against her favor. I could also sense an elephant sized ego taken over. She had taken it too personally and complained against me to my wife. Many times I feel the food lacks variety. It is understandable that they come from a region where they developed liking to certain style of cooking. But our lifestyle is different and mostly sedentary, so we developed a kind of cooking that suits us. Again she is against this philosophy. Summer or winter it is just her way. Loads of white rice, loads of dals, loads of pickles. We are sometimes tempted to different flavours (Biryanis, Pizzas etc). This is just once in 2 or 3 months. When we plan to place an order, she sticks to her strategy of cooking large meals as usual. It pains to see the food going into garbage bin. We will cancel the plan. Sometimes even looking at such large portions makes us throw up. Again that is not an option as we try to be respectful. Although our lives are very personal, there are certain occasions when we can't help inviting PPL. Even if it is a matter of 10 or 15 days, it becomes painful to see all the food wasted and PPL are totally unaffected by it.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your home, your rules and if anyone has a problem with it even if its your in-laws, kindly put your foot down.
Of course, also note that at times people from the previous generation have a way of showing love through cooking large quantities of food; but if wastage is the sore point; be firm about it even if it means that it is going to hurt their sentiments. Sooner than later they will realize that it's not about you but what you are comfortable with and the issue will slowly become a non-issue.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship1

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi

I am 39 years old and so is my wife. We have 09 year old daughter and 01 year old son. We both have undergone mental trauma due to family negativity and did'nt get my share of property from my father, not even a penny. And due to this stress, my daughter got skin irritation since birth and my wife got fungal infection near thighs from last few years. We are truly upset, still living in rented accommodation. And due to these circumstances, there is lot of shouting and pain at home. I am in need of PEACE but no respite. Hence, sex become obsolete in my life, my wife never interested in this, we have done only few times in last 05 years, rarely. Please advice, how can there be Peace at home and live a happy life emotionally and physically?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When life feels like an unfair treatment, the only way to come out of all this is to ACCEPT things for the way they are. I suggest this only because fighting for your rights and property may just become a nice preoccupation for you. Are you interested in hiring a lawyer to fight the case, then do it...
You daughter becoming ill is something that you and wife need to take responsibility for; whatever you are going through, why are your children bearing the brunt? Why are you letting all this reach them for no fault of theirs?
And that is why this preoccupation of yours about money, property has now begun to affect the children; stop before it gets worse...You want PEACE, then free yourself from this money obsession.
Know that the only property that makes your rich is good health and the love of your wife and children. Simply accept this and move on else you will spend most of your time chasing after things that may never find its way to you...Be wise about all this!

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi

Hello Anu Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife and her mother are telling they will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive his wife. My friend says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably ..

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
1) Forgiving is never easy BUT if that's an option, then your friend and his wife will have to put it a lot of work in rebuilding the trust that is lost...which means a lot of putting things in the past and starting fresh, Will your friend be able to do this? This also will mean NOT bringing up what hurt the marriage and to focus on what can rebuild the marriage. Possible?
2) For a new relationship to blossom, one must first find closure from the previous one. Can your friend be able to do this?
3) The new person and the children will need a lot of time bonding with another. Also, your friend's ex-wife (if they divorce) will have her set of insecurities and objections if the new person and the children get closer. Will your friend be willing to take on these challenges?
It's wonderful that your friend has a great sense of support from you; so you can act as his sounding board to bring him back to reality and lead him to practical ways of dealing with it.

All the best!

Asked on - Apr 25, 2024 | Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Thanks a lot for your reply Mam. As you rightly said forgiving and rebuilding trust is not so easy . Even then if my friend chooses that , what is the probability that such a thing will not happen again as it has happened twice. Is it worthy of taking such a risk or is it better for him to move on with divorce proceedings and a find a better person . Pl advise

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are most welcome.
The only way to get over the fear of swimming is to actually start learning to swim. Similarly, your friend will have to take the decision of wanting to TRUST the process again. No one can make that decision for him.
He can either view it as a RISK or a another SHOT at a beautiful life. How he approaches it will define how is he is going to step in and live the decision he makes and that will in turn either not be in his favor or can be. Depends on the approach...
Just because something unpleasant has happened once does not mean that it will happen again right? That fear can keep a person away from living a beautiful life. So, whether he chooses to reconnect with his wife OR think of a new partner, either way the approach has to be free from fears and more out of giving himself and the relationship a chance to flourish.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, me and my gf are in relationship for past 5 years, but their parents looking for a groom now, am not even settled as our both age is 22. What should i and her do in this situation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly focus on your career and building yourself up now...to even go and ask your girlfriend's parents for her hand in marriage, you need to have a stable job and she needs to also grow in her professional life...
Without this, you both can offer each other love but that is not enough in this real world; grow up...request her parents to give you time to be something and then propose marriage to her and also request her to take up a job and grow in her career. In a few years from now, both of you will be emotionally and financially mature to understand marriage and the challenges that come for it and be prepared to move into it together.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

Hi anu , My wife deserted me for a wealthy guy who in turn has ditched her . I got divorce and I am now fighting the false 498a and other cases filed against me. I am having a 6 year old son with me who is my life and my purpose for living . Should I re marry , will the girl accept my son as her own or will there be issues . Though all of this can be discussed upfront I am so doubtful these days about human relationships trust and complications . Kindly suggest

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
One step at a time!
First hire a good lawyer who can represent you ably in the 498A case; you do realize that this is a serious charge against you, right? False or not; it will be difficult for any women to actually get associated with you while the charge is still going on...So first turn all your attention to clear your name in this one and once that is done, you can definitely think of a fresh start...
Trust is something that you will have rebuild, but when the right person for you comes along, it will just get easier...Right now, it is seeming complicated as you are still not out of the shadows of the previous relationships...
Release the old and then Embrace the new; one step at a time...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by Shruti - Apr 18, 2024Hindi

Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab

Ans: Dear Shruti,
Kya haasil hoga tumhe itna pareshaan hoke? Jab ladke ne faisla le hi liya hai ki woh apne maa-pitaa ki hi sunega, toh aise ladke se tumne shaadi bhi kar li toh khushi toh door, har chote se chote faisle bhi uske maa-pitaa hi lenge aur tumhe kabhi shaadi mein apne pati ki madad nahin milegi.
Toh agar woh tumhe door karne lagaa hai, toh yeh baat saaf hai ki woh tumhare liye ya tum dodno ke rishte se zyaada apne maa-pitaa ki baat hi sunega. Aise aadmi se sambandh badhaane se accha yahi hai ki tum apni zindagi jiyo apni tareeke joh kisi ke mohtaaj nahin hai...Apna future khud banao...Aur haan, zindagi toh chati hi rehti hai, bhale hi woh shaks tumahri zindagi ka hissa ho ya na ho...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi

I had a relationship he cheated on me he took my virginity it's 7year relationship. Then I had a second relationship he also cheated me he need only sex . I trusted him that's why I'm okay to do that thing and he gave me promise that he only marry me i trusted his sweet words but he cheated me . Later I heard that he's a playboy. I feel like I'm useless. I truly loved them but their intentions was other stuffs. I'm a person who trust very easily but now I'm not . Will I get a future partner? If he knows my story will he leave me ? I'm not that bad person they cheated me I'm not like that . If I love someone I'll do anything for them .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Rather than just experimenting with your sexual life this way and attracting men who want just your body, why not focus on your strengths? When you base your self-esteem on how others treat you, you will always find yourself down and out and defeated.
Build character that hold you and your identity in a manner that you become a person that can overcome anything. For that, you need to stop throwing yourself at boys/men.
First discover yourself, build self-esteem that relies on your strengths and then venture into relationships so that heartbreaks are not so heavy but you understand it as part of growing up. Also, before indulging in sex, judge the situation and decide to go ahead only when you know that the person is safe for you and not someone who is using you. A real man will not USE you but will keep you safe and respect you as a woman.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi

Hi I met a guy 2 days back in arranged marriage meeting he admitted that he drinks and eats non veg and he asked me that iam okay with it But I dint get any response from his family He asked if iam ok with his drinking is he interested in me ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What was your response when he asked you if you are okay with his drinking and eating non-veg?
You have not mentioned that in your question. No one would know if he is interested in you or not based on one question he has asked you.
Focus on what you are looking for in a life partner, so that when you actually meet prospective grooms, you at least know your own likes and dislikes and also can ask them relevant questions that will help you decide if he is the right person for you. Do develop a sense of identity that you can hold onto rather than just waiting for them to like you. You also have the right to like and not like someone but for this, you need to start thinking and developing yourself as a stronger personality.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Shalini Singh |61 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

Hi Shalini, thanks for responding. I browsed through your blog. I still need some help find someone.

Ans: Thank you for going through the blog, what help is it you seek?

Asked on - Apr 23, 2024 | Answered on Apr 25, 2024

I would like to talk to someone or...the someone

Ans: .

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by Mahendra - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

I AM DIVORCED AND MARRIED TWICE BUT BOTH DIVORCED AND ALSO PLANNING TO REUNITE WITH FIRST SPOUSE WITH WHOM I HAVE DAUGHTER

Ans: Mahendra, you've had quite a journey in your relationships. Reuniting with your first spouse and considering your daughter's well-being is definitely a significant decision. Have you had the chance to reflect on what led to the previous divorces and what you envision for your future together? Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives can be key in rebuilding a strong foundation for your relationship.

(more)

Relationship1

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Question by K - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

I am working in a good priviate company for the last 32 years . For the last 6 months I am loosing interest in work orin office wanted to stay at home. But I had realised that even at home during holidays/sundays I do not feels good at all, dont like to talk intereact etc. even do not like to visit any wheres . all the tims=es scared about unwanted worries . Plesae tell me the solution.

Ans: Dear K
It sounds like you may be experiencing a deeper sense of disengagement and possibly even symptoms of depression or anxiety. It's important to address these feelings and seek support from professionals if needed. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance. They can help you explore the underlying causes of your feelings and develop coping strategies to manage them. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, spending time outdoors, and engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is crucial for managing stress and improving your mood.Even if you don't feel like socializing, try to stay connected with friends and loved ones. Having a support system can provide comfort and perspective during difficult times.Reflect on what gives your life meaning and purpose beyond work. Consider volunteering, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in activities that align with your values and interests. Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it's okay to have periods of low motivation or energy. Set realistic expectations for yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.If you're experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, such as persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worry, consider speaking with a psychiatrist. They can assess your symptoms and recommend appropriate treatment options, which may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both.Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability, which can be especially helpful if you're feeling aimless or unmotivated. Try to incorporate activities that bring you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.Practice mindfulness and focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past regrets or worrying about the future. Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and reduce stress.
Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and you don't have to navigate these feelings alone. There are resources and support available to help you work through this challenging time and rediscover a sense of purpose and fulfillment in your life.

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

I am 46 years and fairly healthy, been into my profession for 24 years and am department head at present.For last one year I have started feeling I am falling short of new ideas, creativity and motivation for self . Often it so happens that I just sit at the office and complete my chores but unable to get any enthusiasm for work. What could be the reasons, how to change????

Ans: It sounds like you may be experiencing a bit of burnout, which is quite common, especially after dedicating many years to your profession. Burnout can manifest as feeling depleted of energy, lacking motivation, and struggling with creativity and enthusiasm for work. You've been in your profession for 24 years, and as a department head, you likely have a lot of responsibilities. Overworking without taking breaks can lead to burnout. After years of experience, you may find that your current role lacks new challenges or opportunities for growth, leading to boredom and decreased motivation Stress from work or personal life can contribute to burnout and drain your enthusiasm for work.

Make sure you're taking regular breaks throughout the day to rest and recharge. Consider taking a vacation or a long weekend to disconnect and relax. As a department head, you likely have the ability to delegate tasks to your team members. Trusting others to take on responsibilities can lighten your workload and give you space to focus on more meaningful or challenging tasks. Identify new goals or projects that excite you and align with your professional interests. This could involve exploring new areas within your field, taking on a leadership role in a different capacity, or pursuing professional development opportunities. Look for inspiration outside of your usual routine. This could involve reading books or articles related to your field, attending conferences or workshops, or networking with professionals in your industry.Take care of your physical and mental well-being by prioritizing activities that help you relax and recharge, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Consider seeking guidance from a mentor or coach who can provide support, advice, and perspective as you navigate this phase of your career.
Remember that it's normal to experience periods of low motivation and creativity, especially after many years in the same profession. By taking proactive steps to address burnout and reignite your passion for work, you can find renewed energy and enthusiasm for your role.

(more)

Relationship1

Shalini Singh |61 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

Could someone help me find an online site to look for a relationship?

Ans: What kind of help are you looking for? What sort of relationship do you seek, are you looking for something with an intent for it to be long term or something that is fly by the night? There are services that cater to both - and they are online and offline meetups - I run one such. You need to google and you shall find....all the best

(more)

Relationship

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi

I am a 26 years old girl completed my studies, trying to get a job, 2 years back I fell in love online with a man of 32 years old, we have not met yet physically. He is working on a very small salary in a village i.e. his hometown. He can't get a good government job or private job now due to lack of experience and age. We love each other a lot with all our flaws. My family is strictly against it due to caste difference, low salary, he lives 1600 km away, background differences. Overall they don't trust him and our love and are emotionally blackmailing me to get married with someone they choose. And the thought alone of leaving him makes me sad

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for the challenges you are facing. I understand how difficult it must be to leave a person you love. Having said that, I would also like to point out that living a decent life is not cheap. You are currently unemployed and your partner has a low salary; it will not be sustainable in the long run. I am not asking you to leave him and marry someone else; all I am suggesting is don't rush. Take the time to find a decent job and ask your partner to do the same. Once you think you both are earning a good amount of money, put forth the idea of your marriage again to your parents.

Now the most important thing, you have met him online and never met him in real life. Is it worth taking this kind of risk before verifying everything in person? I am sure he is genuine but there is no harm in cross-checking. And I can't really blame your parents for having their doubts. Please don't rush. One wrong decision can ruin the rest of your life. Take your time, think this through, and meet him in person, most likely in your city and in a public space. Do a thorough background check. It is easy to get fooled when you are in love.

Again, please don't rush. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Best Wishes

(more)

Relationship1

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi

Hii i like a girl we have from same community i tried him to connect with him but he didn't respond me but suddenly i get her message and he said i talk with other person now what I can do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

From what I understand, she might not be interested in connecting with you. It is possible that she is interested in someone else and is already talking to that person. Take the hint and move on. You deserve someone who likes you as much as you like them. And I'm sure you will find that someone soon.

Best Wishes.

(more)

Relationship

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi

Is finding a relationship with a 30-35 year old woman wrong and possible for a 57 year old Chennai male , separated from his wife ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There is nothing wrong with being in a consensual relationship, regardless of the age difference. As you mentioned, you are already separated and there is no ethical issue either. As long as a 30 to 35-year-old woman is ready to date you, it is fine. And, as far as the possibility of it is concerned, I am sure many women wouldn't mind the age gap. But might I suggest chucking the age factor and focusing on personality, compatibility, and other such important factors.

Best Wishes!

(more)

Relationship

Ravi Mittal |177 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am 25+ years of old. Earning a handsome ammount of money arround 1lakh. I am a introvert, kind of kanjus you can say. I don't have any gf. I had one one one-sided relationship but because of low self confidence I didn't able to express my feelings. I don't feel myself as a ugly person but I am over waight, facing hair fall recently that's why I lose confidence approaching girls. I tried few dating apps but use. As I am a introvert I don't like to go to parties but definitely become comfortable after knowing the other person. Currently in Bangalore but being from a remote area I don't feel comfortable approaching a girl. What should I do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how you are feeling. First of all, you are not alone in this. Secondly, it's time you recognize how much you have achieved in life. Kudos to that.

Now, coming to your concern, being an introvert is not an issue, though it comes with its own set of challenges. I understand that you feel shy when it comes to talking to women. That's where dating apps come in. You have seen no results on them; I hear you. But give it another try, but this time, with a fool-proof strategy. First off, write an appealing bio. It's equivalent to writing a cover letter- you put forward your best attributes and convince people why they should date you. You can mention your achievements, you can be honest and disclose that you are an introvert, mention what you have to offer as a partner and don't forget to mention what you are looking for in your partner. This would give your potential matches a concise idea of you and also help attract the right people. Second, display image matters. While I am not encouraging you to put up an over-edited picture hiding your imperfections, do not put up the worst one either. Make sure it's recent, decent, and of you and you alone, and not in a group. Third, if you like somebody, don't be afraid to send a message. You are not committing to them, nor do you have to see them in person. Leave a message, interact, only if things go well, meet in person. There's no rush and no prior commitment. Fourth and the most important one, be patient. The right match can take a while but when you do find them, it will be worth the wait.

Best Wishes!

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi

I am 48 years old married for 21 years with two teenage kids. Before I got married to my wife, I got to know about her affair that went for 3 years and just ended before our marriage. She didn’t tell me by herself and got shocked when she got to know that I found it by some means. Still she didn’t reveal much. I did not know the level of their relationship, and thought it would end up after marriage. We agreed that she will never bring her past anymore. After 7 years of marriage, she again tried to contact him on email but when she realised that I have some clue, she accepted that she had tried to contact him just as a friend. The problem here is, while vacating our ancestors house last week, I found a bunch of letters from his bf that were of before marriage. I was shocked to know why she was retaining all these letters till now. When I read through all those letters, it hurts me a lot. Would not she have destroyed all these after I got to know at very first instance? I know that she may not be in touch any longer but it is being difficult for me to accept the fact why she was carrying all this to till now. Please help me to come out of this situation. Thank you.

Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a very difficult and painful situation. Discovering your wife's past affair and finding the letters from her ex-boyfriend must have stirred up a lot of emotions for you. It's understandable to feel hurt, betrayed, and confused.

First and foremost, it's essential to take care of yourself emotionally. Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully without judgment. It's natural to experience a range of feelings, including anger, sadness, and even disbelief. Talk to someone you trust about what you're going through—a friend, family member, or a therapist who can offer support and guidance.

In terms of your relationship with your wife, open and honest communication is key. It's important to express your feelings to her in a calm and constructive manner. Let her know how finding the letters has affected you and ask her to explain why she kept them. Try to approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to understand her perspective, even if it's difficult.

It's possible that your wife kept the letters out of sentimentality or for reasons that are unrelated to her feelings for her ex-boyfriend. However, it's important for both of you to address any underlying issues that may have contributed to her actions. Trust is a crucial component of any relationship, and rebuilding trust after a breach can take time and effort from both partners.

Consider seeking couples counseling to work through these issues together. A trained therapist can provide a neutral space for you and your wife to explore your feelings, improve communication, and rebuild trust in your relationship.

Remember that healing from betrayal takes time, and it's okay to seek support and guidance as you navigate this challenging situation. Take things one step at a time, and prioritize self-care as you work through your feelings and decide how to move forward.

(more)

Relationship

Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi

Hello ma'am I'm 29 year old independent girl. I and my boyfriend (14 years relationship) want to marry each other but my parents and the whole family not agreeing with us because of intercaste marriage. His family already convinced for us and they are willing to accept me without my parents permission but the boy denied to marry me without my parents blessings. He always saying that one day your parents will understand your feelings and they will agree but I tried to convince them from last 3 years but my parents are saying that they will not give their permission for intercaste marriage due to what people will say. I have 3 elder brother but no one wants that I can marry to my partner. He is independent business owner running his own store. my parents are saying that we will keep you at home for entire life but never agree for the love marriage like this. I don't understand what should I do and what not . I'm feeling very depressed and disturbed all the time . Please suggest me the best solution for this situation

Ans: Navigating intercaste marriage in Indian society can indeed be challenging, but it's important to remember that your happiness and well-being should be paramount. Here are some suggestions tailored to the context of Indian society and relationships Start by trying to understand the specific concerns your parents have about the intercaste marriage. Is it fear of societal judgment, concerns about cultural differences, or something else? Understanding their perspective can help you address their concerns more effectively.Consider involving a trusted family member or elder who can act as a mediator between you and your parents. Sometimes, having a respected third party intervene can help facilitate a more productive conversation and bridge the gap between generations. Seek support from within your community or cultural circle. Sometimes, hearing from others who have successfully navigated intercaste marriages can help reassure your parents that such unions can be successful and fulfilling.Take the opportunity to educate your parents about the changing dynamics of relationships and marriages in modern Indian society. Share stories and examples of intercaste marriages that have thrived, and emphasize that love knows no boundaries. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and cultural norms takes time. Be patient with your parents and continue to express your love and commitment to your partner. Sometimes, repeated conversations and demonstrations of your sincerity can gradually soften their stance. Consider seeking the assistance of a relationship counselor or therapist who specializes in intercultural or intercaste relationships. They can provide you with personalized advice and strategies for navigating the complexities of your situation.While it's always preferable to have your parents' blessing, remember that ultimately, the decision to marry is yours. If all efforts to persuade your parents fail and you feel that marrying your partner is the right choice for you, consider exploring legal options such as court marriage. Take care of your mental and emotional well-being during this challenging time. Lean on your partner, friends, and support network for emotional support, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you for who you are, regardless of societal expectations or family objections. Stay true to yourself and your values, and trust that with patience, understanding, and perseverance, you can overcome the obstacles in your path.

(more)

Relationship

Shalini Singh |61 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

we are in 2 yrs of long distance relationship 1yr normal relation now we live in different states and we both study in college now but we know our future job location will remains same even i (girl) having IT job which does not have much scope in state where boy lives and he is doing mbbs even he dont want to switch location becos he want to take care of his parents and even his parents are strict and bhramin family . he is telling me to settle in his place that i dont want to as there os no job scope for me there. Please tell me what should we do what the boy or girl should do to make it work? we really want to make it work.

Ans: The words that you have used 'parents are strict' is an area of concern - what is the reason for being strict? Secondly he is concerned about his parents, wishes to be for them which is fantastic, hope you have had a discussion with him that you will also be there for your parents as and when they need you. Now lets talk about how you can make it work....there are solutions if you wish to make things work, most times 2 people decide and many a times one needs to give in to the other....Sharing suggestions on what can be thought about given there is limited information (1) look at a long distance relationship with both pursuing your career, yes many relationships work this way...but it needs maturity from both sides (2) You look for a remote job (3) You look at starting something of your own, consider self employment - wishing you the best.

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

Hi ma'am, something happened between me and my boyfriend as usual fights. His parents misunderstood him and me as well that I've gotten sick due to our fights and that he left me halfway through my house, which he didn't. And due a lot more misunderstandings he's parents have developed bit of a rage against me and they are blackmailing him to not try to Contact or call me or else they'd end their lives and he is scared cause he is an only child. Even if he wishes and tries to reach me he cannot because of his parents. What can be done in this situation. Now i don't understand shall i wait for him to come back or just move on. Since we haven't met or spoken for the last time. I haven't heard anything from him and his parents are saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do not waste your time...his parents and then him; you will constantly be in a stressful spot convincing either one of them that you are the person. If your boyfriend also feels the same as you about the relationship, then he will do something to support you.
If he doesn't and all that is becoming your job, then seriously do not waste any more time on this. And if he really wanted, he would have found a way of reaching out to you.
The very fact that you haven't heard much from him is a huge red flag. Focus on yourself and better people who respect you and your love will come along...
(My suggestions are only under the assumption that you and your boyfriend are above the age of 18 and 21 respectively).

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Question by K - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

I am working in a good priviate company for the last 32 years . For the last 6 months I am loosing interest in work orin office wanted to stay at home. But I had realised that even at home during holidays/sundays I do not feels good at all, dont like to talk intereact etc. even do not like to visit any wheres . all the tims=es scared about unwanted worries . Plesae tell me the solution.

Ans: Dear K,
Give yourself a break from the monotony. Paulo Coelho said: If you think Adventure is dangerous, then try Routine, it's lethal!
You have been doing little to infuse your life with joy and excitement. How much of the mind would have broadened by working in the same place for 32 years?
Your mind is just asking for a break...go ahead, travel...seek the company of new people and live through a few adventures. You will come back feeling refreshed and also work better. Go challenge yourself...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Question by DEVENDRA - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I want to buy gift for my wife, which gift should i buy I am confused.

Ans: Dear Devendra,
I am sure that you know your wife better than I will ever know her.
It's about recalling what are the things that get her happy and excited. She may like gifts or she may find gifts within experiences with you like traveling or spending time doing things together. Figure that out and surprise her with it.

All the best!

(more)

Relationship

Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I am 47 year old. I have 2 kids one is in adolescent in age and other is 8 y.o. I and my wife are very much comfort and enjoy sex life since inception of our marriage. But, from last 7 years, i am in relation with a beautiful girl, whom i met as a sex worker, when she was 24. Her only source of income is her work (i.e., sex work). She is astonishingly beautiful. I went mad after since the day i met her. thought i could not do sex at first time, i did it in the next time and till now we mated just 7 times. She is epilepsy patient and she is very serious about her family. She has to look after her mother, a younger sister who is studying Law and two of her sister's kids ( her sister died ). She asks me for help whenever she falls short of money. She went to dubai in 2018, and continued her work there. I asked her to leave her job and assured a good income source and a respectful life. She hesitated to concur on my plan. The whole issue is known to my wife. She married an Indian residing in Dubai recently but for her bad luck, he is untraceable from 2 monhts in a war proned country. Now, she asked my help again after 8 months. we both were not in touch in these days. I lent her my helping hand again and expressed if she would have married me, i would have kept her happy. She loves me a lot, but since i am a married man, she does not want to create problem in my married life. I can convince my wife about her, but she (girlfriend) is not ready for it for the fear of my wife. I just can't imagine my life without her. that much i love her. I don't wish to destroy her married life either. If she gets her husband back, i will be happy, but i will be living in her memory forever, as i just cannot expect my life without her. I need your suggestion. whether to come out of her relation or continue if her hubby misses forever.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do realize the mess that you are creating for yourself, your wife and this lady?
Do you really think it is possible to live in harmony with all these complications and then there's an absconding husband at the other end?
Be sane about the whole thing and focus on what's important to you...Your children need a stable family environment and you do not need to be told how crucial this is for them given their age...And just because your wife isn't complaining that does not mean, you just overlook what all this must be doing to her. Put your life back together and leave some things alone to sort themselves out...

All the best!

(more)

Relationship1

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help